Dear Kitty Litter Companies

Today, while grocery shopping, I remembered that I needed kitty litter. I wandered over to the pet supplies and picked up my usual bucket of Fresh Step cat litter with carbon. I’ve tried every major brand of cat litter — every one of them. From the useless shards of paper posing as useful and effective to Fresh Step with Carbon, which is hands down the best litter out there.

I have two cats. They poop a lot. Into the cat litter. When I empty the litter boxes, I have a nifty little process:

1. Scoop out the clumps
2. Put clumps into old, empty, bucket of cat litter
3. Scoop new litter out of new bucket into litter boxes
4. Set old bucket, when full of clumps, by curb for trash man

This may seem odd, but it works very well. The rate the old bucket fills up is precisely the same as the rate the new bucket is depleted. The buckets are hard plastic, they have handles so it’s easy to carry the full, and heavy, buckets away. More importantly, they have lids I can snap back shut when it’s time to throw them away. I’m sure the trash man is happier for it. Heck, every time I’ve moved, I’ve actually moved the old bucket of cat litter with me. The movers thought it was weird, but I didn’t want to throw away the only half-full bucket of used litter.

Today, when buying my cat litter, I noticed a sticker on the top that read “COMING SOON! NEW LOOK!” Now, I hate new looks. I’m still mad they put Pepsi and ketchup in plastic bottles instead of glass bottles. I loathe plastic bottles. I don’t like the feel of them. I might as well be sleeping with a styrofoam cube, which is just as annoying to me as nails on a chalkboard.

So, naturally, I read the sticker on the lid and it said Fresh Step was going to divert all their packaging to cardboard boxes. Useless, shitty cardboard boxes useful for nothing else except transporting a bunch of litter from the store to the house. I can’t even get my measuring cup into a cardboard box. Shitty, shitty boxes. Pun intended.

Soon, I won’t be able to  put my used litter clumps into a resealable container. Instead, I’ll be forced to put them in a bag and I will literally have to drag bags of shit to the curb for the trash man. Where, he’ll no doubt pick them up and become covered in little clumps of used litter.

So, to the fine people at Fresh Step, for the love of all that is worthwhile in this world, keep the plastic buckets and leave the cardboard boxes to cheap people that don’t know better. Otherwise, you might as well be taking a dump on our beloved trash collectors.



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Justin has been around the Internet long enough to remember when people started saying “content is king”.

He has worked for some of Indiana’s largest companies, state government, taught college-level courses, and about 1.1M people see his work every year.

You’ll probably see him around Indianapolis on a bicycle.

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