Fixing Things So You Don’t Have To – Fairs

I’m starting a new segment on my blog. I’m calling it, “Fixing things, so someone with actual authority knows what to do.” This week in my imaginary dictatorship, we tackle county fairs.

First, I’m no fan of townships. I’m no fan of counties, either. Regional taxing authorities and consolidation is the way to go. It forbids ineffective educational distribution and prevents one school from having more money than God and another school struggling to afford Dial-Up Internet service.

But one real boon of counties for people seems to be the county fair. I used to work at the Washington County fair, so I speak with some authority and understanding. I’ve recently come to the decision that fairs, and subsequently fairgrounds, are much too expensive for the dirt poor counties we have here in Indiana. So:

  • Leave amusement park rides to amusement parks. Who really trusts a ride that spins really fast that’s capable of being folded up on a truck and driven around anyway?
  • Leave beauty pageants and pie eating contests up to charities and churches to put on for fundraising purposes. In fact, I’m not sure why high school girls need beauty pageants anyway. Isn’t that why they go to school half-naked? And why don’t boys get to compete? Sounds like reverse-sexism to me.
  • Fairgrounds are expensive and cost tens of thousands of dollars a year for county governments. Tear down half of the buildings, make a parking lot and rent out the space for extra income if you want, but it’d better be breaking even.
  • Since you’re not having a fair and you’ve just saved $100,000 for that one piddly week of the year, either reduce taxes or buy every kid in your school district a laptop.

See. Not hard at all.

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