Here’s the New Indiana

Mike Pence is going to run for governor of Indiana. Pence delayed his supposed announcement today as Obama and Osama appear to be dominating the news cycle for the foreseeable future, but he’s going to run for governor.

Mike Pence will run as the Republican to replace Mitch Daniels, the sitting Republican. The Democrats will likely run someone with a PhD, a feather boa or both, because those things play well in Indiana.

Mike Pence will win and become governor of Indiana in January 2013. Mitch Daniels will run for President in 2012, but will not succeed because he’s too smart for most of America. Unless Daniels dons his flannel coat and visits every county in America, it won’t happen.

But anyway, back to Mike Pence’s Indiana. Pence is currently a sitting congressman from our 6th district, which covers much of the eastern portion of the state. Prior to that he was in the 2nd district, which now covers north-central Indiana (the district labels changed during his terms. Same areas, just different numbers).

He’s a far-right social conservative and a far-right fiscal conservative, probably more far-right than Mitch “The Blade” Daniels.

Let it be known that I like Mitch Daniels. I think he cares about the policy and not the slightest bit about social issues, he’s just along for the ride in Brian Bosma’s House. Pence, however, I do not care for. He’d rather kill 20 grown women and a puppy than let a fetus die.

Here’s what Pence’s Indiana will look like:

  • More calls for tax-cuts on businesses and corporations. Daniels focused on tax cuts for citizens, now there’s nothing left to cut except business taxes. Not necessarily a bad thing, but something to note.
  • Harsh immigration protections. If you’re brown, get out of town.
  • More prisons. Daniels wants to cut sentence penalties to stop wasting time on minor drug offenders. Pence will build a prison on every block if he has to so he can look tough on crime.
  • If teachers hated Daniels, Pence will no doubt go further by being extremely hostile to public schools.
  • Gays, lesbians and transgender people can expect to get more restrictions placed on them, such as no gay teachers and no mention of gay and lesbian studies or anti-bullying protections in schools.
  • University funding will stay flatlined, even if the economy improves. This will result in higher tuition rates and more out-of-pocket expenses for Hoosier students and thus, fewer educated people. Pence doesn’t strike me as the kind of guy that values public education.
  • Pence’s faith will take him up to bat against gambling – online and off – and betting. So don’t expect any love for casinos or your freedom to make a choice to participate.
  • Consider abstinence-only education the norm in your kid’s health class.
  • Stem cell research and other biological do-goodery will be off the table for IU and Purdue health systems even if federal funding is available.
  • Little to no funding at all for services like mass transit around the state.
  • If Democrats retain control in Washington, expect a lot of grandstanding on refusing money “on principle”.
  • Expect to hear a lot of support for “the family”, despite the fact that most people are single, divorced or otherwise living alone.
  • I’d expect some protections for prayer and more religious influence in our otherwise secular-ish schools.

That said, Mike Pence’s Indiana will make us the Utah of the Midwest. You’ll no doubt be able to buy Bibles for a quarter in gumball machines and you can pickup a gun in one of those crane games at the grocery store.

Unlike Daniels, Pence has never had a good idea. Whether you love or hate Daniels, you can’t deny that they guy at least thought up a bunch of ideas. I do believe Daniels cares about the young, the elderly and the invalid; he just has a different ideological approach to addressing their needs than some care for.

Everything from the ill-conceived Commerce Connector highway between Greenwood and Greenfield on Indy’s southeast side to vouchers for schools and property tax caps and the toll road lease, Daniels thought of. Pence, however, is a national politician. He’s going to follow the trends of the day in that morning’s Fox News broadcast. I assure you that no one knows of anything that Mike Pence has done that actually mattered. Because he’s never had a good idea that mattered. Just a bunch of fluff.

I have no desire to live in Mike Pence’s Indiana. You people can keep him. My eye is firmly fixed on renting out my house and moving as soon as possible, maybe as soon as this fall.

Mike Pence will fit the bill for Indiana nicely, though. He’ll play into the rural votes and if you haven’t noticed, there’s a lot more rural Indiana surrounding the few urban bastions we have out there.

Good luck.

3 Comments

  1. You are right on all counts,unfortunately. I, too, have grown to admire and respect Mitch Daniels (that will change if he cuts Planned Parenthood’s funding, however…), but fear Mike Pence greatly. Don’t leave — pendulums always swing, and this too shall pass. Side bet? He won’t touch gambling — unless it’s not printing money for Indiana anymore!

  2. Mike Pence’s Indiana sounds like a right-wing nightmare. I’m hoping that State Senator Vi Simpson of Bloomington will run for governor and win. She’s a real Democrat (not a Blue Dog) that I can still strongly support.

  3. Justin,

    Strangely, Mike Pence’s Indiana is remarkably similar to the Indiana I live in. And I hope to beat you out of town!

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