My Retarded New Blazer

I secretly love fashion. I think I’m really good at striking a good balance between young, urban professional and crotchety old Kentuckianaian.

Regardless, the blazer I found for $30 has some interesting features.

First, it’s completely hard to find. I went to and noticed it and thought, “Oh, I bet I can just run down Emerson and pick that up.” Wrong! doesn’t tell you if an item is a store near you, so you’re forced to go all Oregon Trail all over the city to find one. I gave up after the Emerson Ave. store and just came home to order it online. Shipping is so lame.

Second, it has faux-pockets. It has a pocket over the left chest and two on the lower left and right sides. Except, they’re not really pockets. They’re just slits sewn together. I’m not sure if it’s a cost-saving move on the designer or if it’s just dumb. I imagine these pockets to be the sort of pockets designed by a committee:

Team Lead: “Now that we’ve determined the color should be “Strategic Yellow”, would anyone like to make a motion for pockets?”

Carl: “Yes. I move we have pockets.”

Dawn: “Uh, no, I’m not going to approve of pockets. Children can lose things in them.”

Steve: “Oh, well, how about we make pockets then just sew them together?”

All: “Aye!”

Despite having been hard to find and sporting retarded non-pockets, I’m still going to keep it. Maybe I’ll wear it every once in a while.

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