State of the Union, by Steven P. Jobs

This is great:

Thank you for coming. And thank you to President Obama for asking me to deliver this year’s speech. We’re going to make some history today.

You know, it was just a year ago that we announced our economic plan for 2009. We said we were going to turn around the recession. We said we’d create jobs. And we said we’d do it in 12 months. What happened? We did it in three. It was the most successful period in the history of the United States. And 2010 is only going to be better. How awesome is that?

So today, we’re introducing a new plan. It’s called Stimulus 2GS, and it’s sleeker than any economic recovery package ever created. It’s got bridges, it’s got schools, it’s got broadband Internet. All that, and it’s super easy to use—you can control it from iTunes. Pretty cool, huh?

(APPLAUSE.)

Now let’s take a look at national security. When we got in here last year, torture was basically OK. We were water-boarding people and doing all sorts of terrible things. If you’re the president of the United States, how do you solve this? Hmm. Oh wait, we have solved this. We banned torture. Boom. Now that’s what I call an amazing breakthrough.


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