The French’s Fried Onions people can go to Hell

Being a good southern(ish) boy, I like things fried. So whenever I eat some pasta dishes or a casserole of any kind, I reach for my trusty can of French’s Fried Onions. There’s nothin’ in em but onions and the oil.

For years, the can’s looked like this:

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Perfect. Big, easy to open, keeps stuff fresh and you can shove your entire face into the can. Now, because they’re thoughtless assholes, they’ve changed their package design. Probably in the name of “corporate rebranding” or “enhanced product placement” or some other bullshit. This is what the new package looks like:

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Yeah, that sorry piece of crap. That’s me trying to shove my mitt down in there. What’s the first thing you wanna do when you pop off the lid? You wanna stick your grubby hands down into it and pull out a big handful of fried onions to eventually shove into your maw.

Instead, with this new god awful container, you can’t get more than four fingers down in there. If you expect to be able to move your fingers, you can stick in three and under no circumstance can you get your thumb down in there, too. Which means you can’t get any of them out of the container unless you stand on one leg, say a prayer, sacrifice a goat and pretend to tickle the bottom of this stupid container like some three-fingered sloth.

Terrible. Just terrible.

I’m switching to the store brand. I’ll never buy another can of French’s Fried Onions for as long as that can sticks around.

5 Comments

  1. It looks like the packaging is made out of plastic, whereas the original was cardboard-ish…I suspect biodegradable. I do not like plastic. I avoid it. Add “non-biodegradable” to your list. (Unless I’m wrong. I haven’t researched it yet.)

  2. You should not have made your hands stuck inside a container… when you can pour the thing into your hands/plate. Plus is your hands that fat…

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