You’re welcome

Two days ago I was driving home from work, shooting down Southeastern Ave. and buzzing past construction zones and stoplights with ease. Then, up ahead, I saw it: someone driving on a moped.

Normally, I’d applaud anyone that can find ways to save money to get where they need to be, but this person arrogantly drove dead-center in the lane and refused to let anyone get around, despite being able to see three cars to their rear in mirrors.

I, being the car in the front, had to take the lead in trying to get around this universally-recognized a-hole but every time I attempted to get over, either they would get over or oncoming traffic became an issue.

As we approached a decline in the road and, seeing as how a brief thundershow stomped across the metro area, free-standing water was at the bottom of Southeastern Ave. near Sherman.

In this moment, I could tell as I got closer to the mopey-mo-ped-estrian that the driver was an older woman. She attempted to avoid the standing water and getting herself wet by crossing into oncoming traffic in an area where the median and shoulders are narrow due to a train track bridge above. She crossed over, against traffic and made several people swerve and stop in the process.

Myself, seeing a moment of opportunity to get ahead of this crazy woman, decided to push through the water. So did the five other cars that piled in behind me.

We all took our turns driving through the water, displacing it to the sides, and drenching the woman on her mo-ped. With my window down and behind the talking of NPR on my radio, all I heard was “HEY! YOU’RE GETTING ME ALL WET!”

As we approached the next light at Southeastern and Sherman, the five of us stuck together and the woman, travelling all of 20 MPH, buzzed her way past everyone and specifically stopped next to my bug and in a crazy-cat-lady-style voice said, “THANK’S FOR GETTING ME ALL WET!” I looked at her and looked back at my radio. I turned up NPR and said, “Sorry” in the least-caring voice I could.

If you’re going to drive on the roadway in a slow-moving vehicle, be prepared to adapt and move out of the way for larger vehicles. You can believe if a huge semi or a tank comes barelling at me on I-465, I’m going to move. She should be prepared to move for anything larger than her — like a VW Beetle.

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